The power of connection: Erin and Gift: A love for each other and community

Not only are Erin and Gift Tshuma an interracial couple, they are also interabled.

On their first date, Gift — who was born in Zimbabwe with a muscular disorder — thought it would be funny to take his future wife to a vegan sushi restaurant to see if she could feed him with chopsticks.

Gift, who has limited use of his arms, said he would normally never go out to eat on a first date.

But Erin, whom he had met online, was different, and within six months the two were married in a civil ceremony during a February snowstorm in Ottawa.

Gift, 35, moved from Montreal to Toronto, where they both work remotely. “I was nervous,” said Erin, 38. “Sometimes I can barely feed myself with chopsticks — how am I going to feed someone else?”

The two did couples’ therapy before they got married to discuss interpersonal relations. Gift, who uses a motorized wheelchair, needs caregiving for daily routines like showering, getting dressed, and eating.

He has a limited number of caregiving hours provided by the Ontario government, but it doesn’t necessarily address all their needs. So a lot falls on Erin’s shoulders, something Gift fears could lead to burnout.

“When caregivers don’t show up and Erin already has plans, that interrupts her social life or her work,” he said. “I rely on physical care, and everything has to be planned out by the hour.”

While Erin said it’s challenging for her to maintain a home for two people, she has always been a caregiver in one form or another — volunteering at a therapeutic pool in a hospital or working as a personal support worker.

“It was always kind of part of me, so none of my friends were surprised,” she said of their marriage.

“Gift is just a super compassionate, caring person who’s very respectful and truly cares about others, so all my friends thought he was wonderful.”

But like every couple, they sometimes get angry or frustrated and work through it.

“I think people don’t understand that and will say, ‘You can’t be mad at him, he has a disability.’”

“And I say, ‘He’s my husband, and if he does something annoying, I’m going to tell him,’” Erin said.

They have very different interests — Erin loves the outdoors and camping, while Gift is terrified of insects. He is a car fanatic even though he doesn’t drive; Erin hates anything to do with vehicles.

“But we agree on the fact that we love people and love engaging with our community,” Erin said.